31/10: Your True Self
All this self discovery takes more time and attention than many people are used to devoting to themselves. That will have to change. Gloria Steinem proposed adoting a version of The Golden Rule: "Do unto yourself as you have been doing unto others."
PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Scale back the intensity of your sensitivity to the moods, needs and problems of those you love, and spend some quality time with your own desires and dreams. One woman called it "getting out of the emotional management business." You don't have to neglect your near and dear; you simply have to consider your own needs with the same degree of attention as you attend theirs.
PUT YOURSELF SECOND
If you have been a hard-driving work-family juggler, you may have lost touch with your larger generosity. Reaching out to the wider community or deeper into a new relationships may be a source of joy for you. The Peace Corps have seen a spike in new recruits in the over forty age group. Successful corporate executives look to transfer their skills to jobs in the not for profit sector. Becoming a volunteer mentor (or simply paying more respectful attention to the young people in your life) is another opportunity to pass on what you know about life.
The restless curiosity that can be so unsettling during this trasnition is part of a growing imperative to sort out who you are becoming from who you have been. It is a drive for the authenticity. The goal, as Judy Garland reportly said, is to "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of somebody else." The trip begins with your first authentic, self-certfied act, large or small. Your butterfly awaits.
By Suzanne Braun Levine
PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Scale back the intensity of your sensitivity to the moods, needs and problems of those you love, and spend some quality time with your own desires and dreams. One woman called it "getting out of the emotional management business." You don't have to neglect your near and dear; you simply have to consider your own needs with the same degree of attention as you attend theirs.
PUT YOURSELF SECOND
If you have been a hard-driving work-family juggler, you may have lost touch with your larger generosity. Reaching out to the wider community or deeper into a new relationships may be a source of joy for you. The Peace Corps have seen a spike in new recruits in the over forty age group. Successful corporate executives look to transfer their skills to jobs in the not for profit sector. Becoming a volunteer mentor (or simply paying more respectful attention to the young people in your life) is another opportunity to pass on what you know about life.
The restless curiosity that can be so unsettling during this trasnition is part of a growing imperative to sort out who you are becoming from who you have been. It is a drive for the authenticity. The goal, as Judy Garland reportly said, is to "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of somebody else." The trip begins with your first authentic, self-certfied act, large or small. Your butterfly awaits.
By Suzanne Braun Levine
30/10: Your Foibles
Habits get us through the day, but they can hold us back too. As a yoga teacher once told me about a certain posture that never felt right, "Bad habits make you rigid. And then when life throws you a curve, you can't handle it so well." But sometimes it's our judgement of the behavior that's the problem, not the behavior itself.
MAKE PEACE WITH IT
Find a flaw you always meant to fix- such as always running late or shooting your mouth off at dinner parties- and reconsider it. Maybe it works for you. Or maybe you don't want to invest the time and energy it would take to change it. Either way, give yourself permission to stop beating yourself up over it.
FIX IT ALREADY
Perhaps you are ready to become punctual, to "moddulate" to lighten up. Even lose five pounds. It might be fun to learn how to cook Chinese food after a lifetime of ordering it in.
BY Suzanne Braun Levine
MAKE PEACE WITH IT
Find a flaw you always meant to fix- such as always running late or shooting your mouth off at dinner parties- and reconsider it. Maybe it works for you. Or maybe you don't want to invest the time and energy it would take to change it. Either way, give yourself permission to stop beating yourself up over it.
FIX IT ALREADY
Perhaps you are ready to become punctual, to "moddulate" to lighten up. Even lose five pounds. It might be fun to learn how to cook Chinese food after a lifetime of ordering it in.
BY Suzanne Braun Levine
23/10: Your Inner Light
One of the delicious discoveries of the evolving self is the sound of a new voice: your own. As we start listening to ourselves, "I don't care what other people think" is often followed by "But I do care what I think." It takes a little practice to recognize the timbre of that voice and the narrative weaving.
GET IN TOUCH
A journal is the place to tell the naked truth- to yourself. Even if you never kept a dairy as a teenager, you may get hooked on venting the paranoid insights you are ashamed to admit to anyone else, the fears that are bubbling up in response to the big question "What am i going to do with the rest of my life?" As Julis cameron points out in The Artist Way, getting it on the page also gets rid of the detritus that "muddies your days."
GET PERSPECTIVE
Sometimes an audit of your life balance sheet results in an unexpected- and bountiful- return. Keeping a "graditude journal" ia sort of glass half full accounting. Each day you write down the good things that happen to you, no matter how small they seem. Recently, I was given an inviting spiral bound book that offered sample entries for the beginner; "I returned it, and with no questions got my money back." "She actually said, 'Thanks Mom.' " "After a long winter, I felt the sun on my face."
By Suzanne Braun Levine
GET IN TOUCH
A journal is the place to tell the naked truth- to yourself. Even if you never kept a dairy as a teenager, you may get hooked on venting the paranoid insights you are ashamed to admit to anyone else, the fears that are bubbling up in response to the big question "What am i going to do with the rest of my life?" As Julis cameron points out in The Artist Way, getting it on the page also gets rid of the detritus that "muddies your days."
GET PERSPECTIVE
Sometimes an audit of your life balance sheet results in an unexpected- and bountiful- return. Keeping a "graditude journal" ia sort of glass half full accounting. Each day you write down the good things that happen to you, no matter how small they seem. Recently, I was given an inviting spiral bound book that offered sample entries for the beginner; "I returned it, and with no questions got my money back." "She actually said, 'Thanks Mom.' " "After a long winter, I felt the sun on my face."
By Suzanne Braun Levine
16/10: Your Social Self
As we get older, we become less dependent on the reassurance that comes from being part of a team, a social circle or a professional organization. On the other hand, somethings we used to enjoy doing by ourselves- travel comes to mind- have become more fun when other people are there too. It may be that you've grown more sociable in some ways and more reclusive in others.
SIGN UP
Maybe you now have more time on your hands- the kids are away, you're divorced, you've stopped coloring your hair. Even if you were never a joiner, see how it feels to get involved. Volunteer at a hospital. Start a book group. Take karate.
BOW OUT
Perhaps you agreed to be a secretary of the PTA or signed up to organize a booth at the art fair because you felt you ought to. Now you realize your time is to precious and you would rather- can you believe it? be alone. The poet Marianne Moore wrote: "The best cure for loneliness is solitude." And it works.
SIGN UP
Maybe you now have more time on your hands- the kids are away, you're divorced, you've stopped coloring your hair. Even if you were never a joiner, see how it feels to get involved. Volunteer at a hospital. Start a book group. Take karate.
BOW OUT
Perhaps you agreed to be a secretary of the PTA or signed up to organize a booth at the art fair because you felt you ought to. Now you realize your time is to precious and you would rather- can you believe it? be alone. The poet Marianne Moore wrote: "The best cure for loneliness is solitude." And it works.
08/10: Your Priorities
Along the terrain that is shifting under our feet during our trasnition, our priorities are in motion too; interests and commitments move on and off the A-list in unexpected ways. Consider those activities we dismiss as "hobbies." Just because you used to get a thrill out of something doesn't mean you have to keep doing it.
RAMP IT UP
Upgrade a long standing pastime: Try selling your famous butter cookies, or make the move from taking family snapshots to becoming an event photograper. Or finally, seriously, devote an hour a week to finishing the quilt you started a year ago.
FUHGEDDABOUTIT
Cash in your collection of navajo baskets; cancel the subscription to the gardening magazine whose issues have been piling up on your bedside table; dump the accumulation of outdated travel books to places you're never going to revisit and replace them with a map to your home state-weekend trips may become a new thing.
RAMP IT UP
Upgrade a long standing pastime: Try selling your famous butter cookies, or make the move from taking family snapshots to becoming an event photograper. Or finally, seriously, devote an hour a week to finishing the quilt you started a year ago.
FUHGEDDABOUTIT
Cash in your collection of navajo baskets; cancel the subscription to the gardening magazine whose issues have been piling up on your bedside table; dump the accumulation of outdated travel books to places you're never going to revisit and replace them with a map to your home state-weekend trips may become a new thing.
04/10: Your "Bad Attitude"
In case you didn't notice (and I am sure you did), the catchphrase of this stage in life is "I don't care what other people think!" We speak up, we talk back, we say no! We surprise people who know us. We surprise ourselves.
TAKE SOMEONE ON
Try telling the gynecologist who thinks that waiting rooms are for warehousing patients that you aren't coming back unless they overhaul their scheduling system. Or confront the co worker whose carelessness makes your job that much harder. Or tell your grownup kid to lay off one of his/her annoying habits.
LET SOMETHING GO
The important thing about saying no is that it works both ways. You can also interpret it to mean letting go of your resentment toward your co worker and your irritation at your family's bad habits. We hold on to lots of junk- in our attics, in our memories and in our hearts. Moving forward is easier if you are traveling light.
By Suzanne Braun Levine
TAKE SOMEONE ON
Try telling the gynecologist who thinks that waiting rooms are for warehousing patients that you aren't coming back unless they overhaul their scheduling system. Or confront the co worker whose carelessness makes your job that much harder. Or tell your grownup kid to lay off one of his/her annoying habits.
LET SOMETHING GO
The important thing about saying no is that it works both ways. You can also interpret it to mean letting go of your resentment toward your co worker and your irritation at your family's bad habits. We hold on to lots of junk- in our attics, in our memories and in our hearts. Moving forward is easier if you are traveling light.
By Suzanne Braun Levine
05/09: Your Derring-Do
The confidence to take risks is one of the hallmarks of midlife, but risk means different things (physical danger, sexual exploration, emotional chances) to different people. Think of the impulse to dare as a yearning to explore the road not taken.
BREAK OUT
If you are in sloth mode, dare to sign up for the trek into the rainforest. Propose yourself for that overseas promotion. Try out for a play. Start your own business. Run for public office.
PULL BACK
You may have aways had a wild streak, and that may have gotten you in trouble. So for now, dare to be conservative. Shift your finances from playing the market to long-term planning; give your knees a rest from running and take up tai chi; cut back your hours at work and see what seep into the void.
BY Suzanne Braun Levine
BREAK OUT
If you are in sloth mode, dare to sign up for the trek into the rainforest. Propose yourself for that overseas promotion. Try out for a play. Start your own business. Run for public office.
PULL BACK
You may have aways had a wild streak, and that may have gotten you in trouble. So for now, dare to be conservative. Shift your finances from playing the market to long-term planning; give your knees a rest from running and take up tai chi; cut back your hours at work and see what seep into the void.
BY Suzanne Braun Levine
23/08: Your Dark Days
If you find yourself in a crisis, remember: Nothing focuses the mind, mobilizes the resources and highlights your support system like a truly difficult situation.
REGROUP
While you are languishing in the doldrums of indecision, fate may move in with a knock out blow: getting sick, getting dumped, getting fired. You will meet your strongest self at such times. I cannot tell you how often someone has told me that getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to them. After those initial days of taking to one's bed, the real demands of carrying on generate their own energy. By the same token, women who get divorced report a stretch of dark time, followed by a burst of optimism, a sense of freedom and confidence that she (or even he) did the right thing.
WALLOW
Make yourself aware of how repetitive your job is, how limited your prospects seem, how the hours in the day drag by, how this is not the way you want to spend the next 20-30 years. Until you can't take it anymore. Walking out (of a job, a marriage, an investment) is the bridge burning that some of us need to move forward.
By Suzanne Braun- Levine
14/08: Your Worst Fears
Your Worst Fears
We each have personal demons that show up in the small hours of the night, shrieking a litany of worst cause scenarios: "What if I don't have enough money to support myself? What if that nagging ache is something really serious? What's wrong with me?" Even one night of fretting can drain our waking resolve.
TELL THEM ALL TO SHUT UP.
I had a friend that literally did that- out loud!- when she awoke full of doubts. Another woman dismisses those harassing voices with a sarcastic "Thanks for sharing." Or summon up your sternest voice and give your fears a talking to.
ENGAGE JUST ONE.
The conversations that take place in the dark night of the soul can be transformative. Single out just one of the fears that bring on a cold sweat, and stare it down. Find a new financial adviser to review your "dire" situation, switch medications for a chronic health condition, or institute a weekly lunch with two or three open , lively people who can help keep your situation in perpective.
**** By Suzanne Braun Levine
We each have personal demons that show up in the small hours of the night, shrieking a litany of worst cause scenarios: "What if I don't have enough money to support myself? What if that nagging ache is something really serious? What's wrong with me?" Even one night of fretting can drain our waking resolve.
TELL THEM ALL TO SHUT UP.
I had a friend that literally did that- out loud!- when she awoke full of doubts. Another woman dismisses those harassing voices with a sarcastic "Thanks for sharing." Or summon up your sternest voice and give your fears a talking to.
ENGAGE JUST ONE.
The conversations that take place in the dark night of the soul can be transformative. Single out just one of the fears that bring on a cold sweat, and stare it down. Find a new financial adviser to review your "dire" situation, switch medications for a chronic health condition, or institute a weekly lunch with two or three open , lively people who can help keep your situation in perpective.
**** By Suzanne Braun Levine
06/08: Your to Do List
Your to Do List
We all have a list called "Things I Always Wanted to Do." And when the stuff on that list no longer appeals, you can become convinced that you're one of those snails who deserves to spend the rest of your days glued to a rock. Wrong. You just aren't the person who wrote that list anymore. In fact, the list-making mode itself can hold you-back unless you reinvent it.
MAKE A PLAN
In stead of a to do list, make a master plan. Focus on one project that really gets your juices going- an exotic vacation or a new garden- and build a countdown into your appointment book: Send for catalogs on the third Wednesday of January, make an itinerary or flower layout in February, check airline fares or order seeds in March, and so on. Cross off items to keep momentum going.
BREAK A DATE
For thos of us who try to control events by planning them, the breakthrough is to let the chips fall where they may. Practice canceling at least one appointment a week, watch TV randomly (I'm told the cooking channel really frees up the imagination), and put off checking your email.
We all have a list called "Things I Always Wanted to Do." And when the stuff on that list no longer appeals, you can become convinced that you're one of those snails who deserves to spend the rest of your days glued to a rock. Wrong. You just aren't the person who wrote that list anymore. In fact, the list-making mode itself can hold you-back unless you reinvent it.
MAKE A PLAN
In stead of a to do list, make a master plan. Focus on one project that really gets your juices going- an exotic vacation or a new garden- and build a countdown into your appointment book: Send for catalogs on the third Wednesday of January, make an itinerary or flower layout in February, check airline fares or order seeds in March, and so on. Cross off items to keep momentum going.
BREAK A DATE
For thos of us who try to control events by planning them, the breakthrough is to let the chips fall where they may. Practice canceling at least one appointment a week, watch TV randomly (I'm told the cooking channel really frees up the imagination), and put off checking your email.
